If I ever buy new shoes
I want to put explosives in my old ones.
Rockets maybe. And set them off somewhere public,
but not too public, so
you have to go a little out of your way
to see them.
And if you’re lucky they’ll still be smoking,
Like you just missed me Astro Boy outta here.
Or explode.
I might leave a message under each sole
for the curious or the cleaner or the constable who
picks them up.
And if the sole burns,
so be it.
I’ll be gone.
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Author's Comments
First version had a typo in it. I am ashamed.
I don't like the ending yet. Needs more. Your thoughts. The word "sabotage" came from people breaking shit with shoes. |
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Comments
second hits me as quite, william shatner-ish, not that that's a bad thing, i love the guy.
The rest, yes, i feel it's lacking a little.
Maybe it seems a little rushed?
Maybe, instead of, like the first 2 stanzas, that last two being "if" and "maybe" statements, they could be more powerful were they more definitive.
It's very good though, and I do like it.
--
There's no such thing as talent.
There is only desire.
--
~.~ Lozza ~.~
Everything happens for a reason...
You are with me for all the reasons in the world!
I've read it three times over now, and I'm not going to lie, I like it more each time... I love the finish, how it seems sort of cocky but tired, you know?
Not a big fan of the astro boy reference, lol. :/
Well done, instant fave!
<3
--
...and then it was dead.
Icon credit to the lovely Mori-Haru: [link]
--
Don't.
Do whatever you fancy with this one. There's probably more to be done with this concept visually than verbally. It's only an instant. Which may be why it fizzles at the end.
--
Don't.
This is me after midnight when I've had coffee.
--
Don't.
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